Sunday, January 21, 2018

Prelude to Carnage

       "A drama as lush and gruesome as {Oscar} Wilde trying hard could make it, Salome was a pursuit of sensation for its own sake, an effort to produce what Baudelaire called 'the phosphorescence of putrescence.'  The original play, written in French in 1891, went into rehearsal in London a year later with Sarah Bernhardt in the title role, but performance was banned by the Lord Chamberlain on the ground that its presentation of St. John the Baptist was sacrilege.  Upon publication (with copies for the author's friends bound in 'Tyrian purple and tired silver'), the play was denounced by The Times as 'an arrangement in blood and ferocity, morbid, bizarre, repulsive and very offensive.'  In 1894 an English translation by Lord Alfred Douglas appeared, illustrated with luscious evil by the truest decadent of them all, Aubrey Beardsley.  Three of his drawings, considered indecent by the publishers, had to be withdrawn.  In 1896, when Wilde was in Reading Gaol, Salome was produced in Paris by the actor-manager Lugne-Poe at his Theatre de l'Oeuvre, with himself as Herod but without Bernhardt.  The quintessence of decadence was overripe and it was not a success.  In Germany, however, Salome matched a craving for the horrendous and found its place.  First produced in Breslau in 1901, its real success came in 1902 with a production by Max Reinhardt at his Kleines Theatre in Berlin, where {Richard} Strauss saw it.
       More a poem than a play, Wilde's Salome was an exercise in purple, an orgy in words, which succeeded on paper but embarrassed on the stage.  It offered the spectacle of Salome pouring out her hot erotic pleas to the eyes, the hair, the limbs, the body and the love of Iokanaan, of King Herod avid for his stepdaughter, of her voluptuous dance to excite his lust and win her ghastly desire, of the black Executioner's huge arm rising from the pit holding the bearded bloody head of the Prophet who had scorned her, of her necrophilic raptures addressed to the head on the platter and her final conquest of its dead lips, of Herod's climactic order of horror and remorse, 'Kill that woman!' and of her death crushed beneath the shields of his soldiers.  Performed in flesh and blood it delighted the Berlin audience.  Wilde's moonlit fantasia, in Germany, came into its own and enjoyed a phenomenal run of two hundred performances.
       The undercurrent of morbidity in Germany, which Rolland had already noticed, grew more apparent in the first decade of the new century.  It increased in proportion as Germany's wealth and strength and arrogance increased, as if the pressure of so much industrial success and military power were creating an inner reaction in the form of a need to negate, to expose the worms and passions writhing within that masterful, prosperous, well-behaved, orderly people.  It was as if Bismarck had perforce produced Krafft-Ebing.  Indeed, Krafft-Ebing's Psychopathia Sexualis which appeared in 1886 provided a well of lurid resource on which the German drama, then the most vigorous form of natural literature, could draw.
       Tragedy was the staple of the German theatre.  Social comedies with happy endings were not a German genre.  German fun was confined to buffoonery, either painful or coarse.  Their tragedies were not so much curative, like Ibsen's, nor compassionate, like Chekov's, but obsessively focused on mankind's cruelty to man, on his bent toward self-destruction and on death.  Death by murder, suicide or some more esoteric form resolved nearly all German drama of the nineties and early 1900s.  In {Gerhart} Hauptmann's Hannele the child heroine dies of neglect and abuse in an almshouse, in his Sunken Bell Heinrich's wife drowns herself in a lake and he drinks a poisoned goblet, in Rose Bernd the title character, seduced and deserted, strangles her newborn child, in Henschel the title character hangs himself after betraying his dead wife by marrying a tart who lets his child die of neglect, in Michael Kramer a sensitive son is driven to suicide by an overbearing father, a popular theme in Germany rich in such fathers.  In {Herrmann} Sudermann's Magda only the father's fatal stroke prevents his shooting himself and his daughter, who needless to say is illegitimately pregnant, the invariable fate of the German heroine.  An endless succession of them were driven in the grip of the circumstance to hysteria, insanity, crime, prison, infanticide and suicide.  In Sudermann's Sodoms Ende, which varies the pattern if not the end, a dissolute young artist, corrupted by the wife of a banker, drives his foster sister to suicide and dies himself of a hemorrhage.  In {Frank} Wedekind's Frühlings Erwachen (Spring's Awakening), first effort of a playwright who was to exceed all the rest, the discovery of sex by adolescents conflicting with the prurience of adults produces total catastrophe:  the fourteen-year-old heroine, being with child, dies, apparently of a mismanaged abortion;  the boy is expelled from school and sent to a reformatory by his parents;  his friend, unable to bear life, commits suicide and reappears in a graveyard with his head under his arm in a closing scene of opaque symbolism.  In the course of the action a third boy, in a scene of explcit auto-eroticism, addresses a passionate love declaration to the picture of a naked Venus which he then drops down the toilet.  First produced in 1891, the play was a sensational success and in book form went into twenty-six editions.
       Born in the same year as Strauss, Wedekind was a writer of satanic talent who had been an actor, journalist, circus publicity agent, singer of grisly ballads for Überbrettl and while on the staff of Simplicissimus served a term in prison for lese majeste.  'I have the imagination of disaster--and see life as ferocious and sinister' exactly described him, though it was Henry James who said it of himself.  Frühlings Erwachen, if taken as a plea for sex education, at least had a social message and a quality of pity, but thereafter Wedekind saw nothing but the ferocious and the sinister.  In the same years in which Freud was carefully arriving at his discovery of the subconscious, Wedekind saw an awful vision of it and stripped off every covering to show it as purely malignant.  From 1895 on, his plays plunged into a debauch of the vicious and perverse which seemed to have no argument but that humanity was vile.  Erdgeist (Earth Spirit) and its sequel, Die Büchse der Pandora (Pandora's Box), take place in a world of pimps, crooks, harlots, blackmailers, murderers and hangmen surrounding the heroine Lulu, who represents sensuality incarnate both heterosexual and lesbian.  Her adventures proceed through brothels and dives, seduction, abortion, sadism, necrophilia and nymphomania in what a contemporary critic called 'a torrent of sex foaming over jagged rocks of insanity and crime.'  It was sex, not creative in its primal function, but destructive, producing not life but death.  Lulu's first husband dies of a stroke, her second, bedeviled by her perfidy, cuts his own throat, her third on discovering her infidelity committed with his son is killed by her.  After prison, degradation and prostitution, she ends, logically, slashed to death by a Jack the Ripper in a final lethal explosion of that erotic power which {George Bernard} Shaw, a very different playwright, was celebrating at the same time as the Life Force.
       Strauss's antennae picked up whatever was in the air and he fixed unerringly on Salome--as the subject of an opera, not a tone poem.  Using more instruments than ever, he composed a score of tremendous difficulty and exaggerated dissonance with the orchestra at times divided against itself, playing in two violently antagonistic keys as if to express the horror of the subject by horrifying the ear.  Instruments were twisted to new demands, cellos made to reach the realm of violins, trombones to cavort like flutes, kettledrums given figures of unprecedented complexity.  The musical fabric was dazzling.  Strauss could write for the voice with no less virtuosity than for orchestra and the singers' parts seemed to grow more eloquent as the drama deepened in depravity.  Salome's final song to the severed head thrilled listeners with a sinister beauty that did justice to Wilde's words:
Ah! wherefore didst thou not look at me, Iokanaan!  If thou hadst seen me thou hadst loved me.  I am athrist for thy beauty;  I am hungry for thy body and neither the floods not the great waters can quench my passion. . . .Ah! I have kissed thy mouth, Iokanaan, I have kissed thy mouth.
       When Berlin and Vienna refused performance, like London, on the ground of sacrilege, Strauss's great admirer, Ernst von Schuch, conductor of the Dresden Royal Opera, presented it there on December 9, 1905.  The production, in a single act lasting an hour and forty minutes without interruption, spared the audience's sensibilities nothing.  Iokanaan's head, made up in realistic pallor of death with appropriate gore, was held in full view;  Salome's seven veils were ritually discarded one by one while Herod leered.  Death under the soldiers' shields supplied a punishing catharsis.  The audience responded with unbounded enthusiasm extending to thirty-eight curtain calls for cast and composer.  In subsequent performances in other German cities Salome went on to huge success and, for Strauss, large financial reward not adversely affected by bans and censorship troubles.  In Vienna owing to the objections of the Archbishop the ban held, but in Berlin over the strenuous objections of the Kaiserin a compromise was reached of the kind applied by the Church to the Song of Solomon.  Performance was allowed on condition that the star of Bethlehem should appear in the sky as Salome died, presumably indicating the posthumous triumph of the Baptist over unnatural passion.
       Outside Germany where taste was more prudish, Salome became 'the storm center of the musical world.'  In New York a tense audience at the Metropolitan Opera on January 22, 1907, awaited the rise of the curtain with 'foreboding,' soon amply fulfilled.  The music, when critics could tear their attention from portrayal of 'a psychopathic condition literally unspeakable in its horror and abnormality.' was acknowledged marvelous but perverted to means that 'sicken the mind and wreck the nerves.'  The opera's theme, not humanly representative as the material of music should be, was considered variously 'monstrous,' 'pestilential,' 'intolerable and abhorrent,' 'mpehetic, poisonous, sinister and obsessing in the extreme.'  Its 'erotic pathology' was unfit for 'conversation between self-respecting men,' and the Dance alone 'ought to make it impossible for an Occidental woman to look at it.'  Rising in 'righteous fury' the press agreed that popularity in Germany settled nothing for America and the Metropolitan bowing to the storm withdrew the production.
       The Eulenburg affair concerned homosexuals in the immediate circle of the Kaiser, but it was less their habits than the layers disclosed of malice, intrigue and private vendetta which shed a lurid glow on Germany.  Three years earlier Fritz Krupp, head of the firm, on being accused by the Socialist paper Vorwärts of homosexual acts with waiters and valets, committed suicide.  This time the central figure was Prince Philipp Eulenburg, former Ambassabor to Vienna from 1894 to 1902, a suave and cultivated aristocrat who was the Kaiser's oldest and closest friend, sang songs to him beautifully at the piano, and gave him intelligent advice.  As the only courtier to exercise of the whole a beneficent influence on the sovereign, he was naturally the object of the jealousy of Bülow and Holstein, who suspected the Kaiser of intention to make him Chancellor.  Initiator of the scandal was Maximilian Harden, the feared and fearless editor of the weekly Die Zukunft, of which it was said that everything rotten and everything good in Germany appeared in its pages.  Cause and motive had to do with Germany's diplomatic defeat at the Algeciras Conference which set off waves of recrimination among ministers, culminating in the removal of the spidery Holstein.  He blamed Eulenburg, although in fact his removal had been secretly engineered by Bülow.  Rabid for revenge, Holstein, who for year had kept secret police files on the private habits of his associates, now joined forces with Harden to ruin Eulenburg, whose influence on the Kaiser, Harden believed, was pacific and therefore malign.  With Holstein's files at his disposal, Harden opened a campaign of innuendo naming three elderly Counts, all A.D.C.s of the Kaiser, as homosexuals and graduallly closing in on the friendship of Eulenburg with Count Kuno Moltke, nicknamed Tutu, 'the most delicate of generals,'  commander of a cavalry brigade and City Commandant of Berlin.  The Kaiser ditched his friends instantly and forced Moltke to sue Harden for libel, which was just what Harden wanted to ruin Eulenburg.  Through four trials lasting over a period of two years, from October, 1907, to July, 1909, evidence of perversion, blackmail, and personal venom was spread before a bewildered public.  Witnesses including thieves, pimps and morons told of 'disgusting orgies' in the Garde du Corps regiment and testified to abnomal acts of Eulenburg and Moltke twenty years in the past.  A celebrated specialist in pathological conditions discoursed on medical details, Moltke's divorced and vindictive wife was called to testify, charges of insubordination and perjury were added, Chancellor Bülow was himself accused of perversion by a half-crazed crusader for the legal rights of homosexuals and forced to sue, the verdict of the first trial in favor of Harden was reversed by a second trial and re-reversed in a third at which Eulenburg, now ill, disgraced and under arrest, was brought to court in a hospital bed.  The public felt uneasily that justice was being tampered with, readers of Die Zukunft were given an impression of perversion everywhere and the prestige of Kaiser and court sank.  At the same time in Vienna the Emperor's brother, Archduke Ludwig-Viktor, known as Luzi-Wuzi, became involved in a scandal with a massuer. "  The Proud Tower by Barbara W. Tuchman Pgs. 319-20;321-22;323-24;324-25;329-30.
 

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Killing Edmund Burke a Second Time


    The constellation of factors that are at play with Orange Blatherskite are making him a caricature.  The first is the current standards of political correctness, which are so impossible to not violate that even liberals end up getting accused of racism, sexism, and homophobia (the liberal holy trinity).  Second, O.B. takes pride in flouting even the most basic standards of adult behavior, let alone the rarified pseudomorality of political correctness.  Insults are O.B.'s love language.  Third, O.B. has the maturity of a twelve-year-old girl combined with the aggression of Rambo.  It's no wonder Tex Killerson is on his way out of Foggy Bottom;  imagine the frustration he felt trying to calm down North Korea, and seeing his boss engage in Twitter escalation with the regime.  
        Any things on fronts like abortion or deregulation that O.B. has done the right thing on seem overshadowed by the pettiness and lack of policy sophistication he displays.  O.B.'s favorite subject is the problem of illegal immigration.  At the same time O.B. wants to build a wall to stop illegal immigration, he attacks NAFTA on the basis that it is too favorable to Mexico!  The man who calls himself a genius doesn't seem to appreciate that any economic growth in Mexico will in and of itself reduce illegal immigration.  A poorer Mexico is one which will continue to have an exodus from it.  This "Jacksonian Nationalism" is tribalistic, short-sighted, and makes it easy for liberals to call O.B. racist.  These things don't seem to matter to O.B., and the fact that Fox News seems to consider O.B. the gold standard in conservatism means that millions of Americans are being led to believe that conservatism is race politics for white people.


Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Codependence Is. . . .

   Codependence is seeing a potted tree in someone else's yard, and feeling the urge to volunteer to plant it for them.

Friday, March 04, 2016

Lepidus on Gary Bauer

    Gary Bauer is a fraud and a con man.  There, I just gave you my conclusion.  Now I will provide my reasoning.  Donald Trump has demonstrated that he stands for nothing, and will say anything to gain the support of his cult followers.  He has no record as a conservative;  on the contrary, his record consists of years of supporting liberal, pro-abortion democrats like Chuck Schumer and Hillary Clinton.  The esteemed, wise social conservative guru Gary Bauer showed his infinite wisdom by declaring that Trump winning the nomination of the Republican party would be acceptable if "social conservatives received ironclad promises" from the reality TV star on gay marriage and abortion.  Ironclad promises?  What the deuce does that mean?  Barack Obama gave ironclad promises to not fund abortion with Obamacare.  Newsflash:  Obamacare funds abortion.  Barack Obama gave an ironclad promise to respect religious beliefs concerning abortion.  Newsflash:  The Little Sisters of the Poor still have to pay for contraceptives for their employees.
       The point I'm trying to make is this:  Rather than electing a liberal who promises not to act like a liberal, wouldn't it be infinitely preferable to elect a conservative?  And Gary Bauer--here's some free advice.  Don't prostitute yourself to a con man like The Donald and still expect people to trust your worthless advice.  You sound like someone suggesting we negotiate with the Daesh.  If anybody still sends you money, they are the same type of person who would buy a swamp in Louisiana thinking it's a real estate investment.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Dr. Draco Faulhaber Speaks

       I have been granted a chance by Frank and Lepidus to contradict their old-fashioned ideas about choice.  
       I, Draco Faulhaber, came into the world in 1948, a far less enlightened time.  In 1948, many states banned abortion entirely.  Providers, such as myself, would have faced prison.  And for what?  Helping women solve their problems!  Preventing extra mouths to feed!
       Frank and Lepidus argue that children are more than just bread-gobblers, that they are a "resource."  If children are such a resource, then why would the far-sighted and progressive Chinese regime dislike their high population so much?  Our Chinese brothers (men currently outnumber women 3 to 1 there) will see a dramatic drop in population in 60 years.  This is the sure route to wealth!  You can see this in families of great wealth.  If parents have $100 million, and only one child, that child will inherit $100 million.  But if there are three heirs, each would only inherit $33 million!  Never was a bigger lie conceived than "The more the merrier!"  The main problem with us humans is that there are just too many of us.
       Not to go too far afield, but people are greatly mistaken in condemning Hitler and Stalin.  Hitler relieved the earth of over nine million mouths to feed!  Stalin was an even greater benefactor, eliminating forty million excess Ukrainians.  Until we appreciate the gifts of Hitler and Stalin, the anti-choice religious fools will dominate us, destroying the planet with more bread-gobblers. 

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Breeding Like Rabbits

      You know, I thought I'd like the new Pope.  I'm Frank, he's Francis.  But this guy has been really annoying me.  He started out by saying that the Church had talked too much about abortion.  You know, because killing people isn't important at all.  Then he started talking about poverty constantly.  So he forgot that Jesus said there would always be poor people.  Then there was the claim that global warming was the biggest problem.
       But this crap the Pope said about having too many kids was the last straw.  My parents, Bob and Sharon Charette, had five kids.  My old man, he said that he needed to have plenty of kids because, "the good diffuses itself."  Never went to college, but my friend Lepidus told me that came from somewhere.  The Charettes never had lots of money, but we always knew there were things more important than money.  Dad always thought that being a good proletariat meant that he at least needed to provide society with kids.  Paul VI said contraception was wrong, so my old man felt like he was less of a sucker at that point.  But now the Pope seems to be saying my old man was a sucker after all.
        Frank C. is now to the point where he wonders how weird the crap a Pope says can be without being absolved of the need to listen.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

The Obama Double Event

       On 29 SPB 1888, Jack the Ripper claimed his third victim, Elizabeth Stride, and his fourth victim, Catherine Eddowes.  This double event marked the escalation of violence in the ripper's attacks, as well as the first and only time the ripper killed two women in one night.  The ripper, whose first murder had been a simple strangulation, had now progressed to the violent dismemberment of women, which would culminate in his disassembly of Mary Kelly, the fifth and possibly last victim.
       Last week, President Oh Blah Blah followed up his administration's scandal of indefinitely delayed treatment of veterans by the VA with the release of five dangerous Muslim terrorist in exchange for Army deserter Bowe Bergdahl.  This two-pronged slap in the face to America's military was the Obama double event.  Showing on one hand a callous indifference to people who defended the colors in World War II, Korea, and Vietnam, while being absurdly self-sacrificing in defense of someone who betrayed his unit by leaving his post shows the schizophrenia of modern liberalism.  Letting people who honorably served go without treatment while letting terrorists go free to get a deserter back shows the ambivalence of liberals towards soldiers.  Good soldiers get crapped on, while bad soldiers have the store given away on their behalf. 

Monday, June 09, 2014

Frederick Schickelgruber Speaks

       Kaitlyn urged me to write something on her father's blog.  Lepidus and his friend Frank are unregenerated neanderthals who never understand what I am saying.  In the interest of helping Frank and Lepidus' readers evolve, I have finally relented.  You see, I teach several sections of my course on existentialism.  It wasn't easy to find the time for this exercise.
      The beauty of existentialism is that it has no constraining element of "truth."  Truth is always the interest of the stronger.  Frank and Lepidus also seem to have a bizarre idea that there is some unchanging standard of right and wrong.  Lastly, they have a bourgeois idea that there are provable facts.
       How do these two know things for certain?  What one person chooses to believe is right or correct is entirely subjective.  One ultimately must accept authority rather than seek out something as being true or right.  This obsession with reason and theory is the basis for capitalist thinkers.  This principle is particularly significant in a world whose magnificent exterior radiates complete unity and order while panic and distress prevail beneath.  Autocrats, cruel colonial governors, and sadistic prison wardens have always wished for visitors with this positivistic mentality.  If science as a whole follows the lead of empiricism and the intellect renounces its insistant and confident probing of the tangled brush of observations in order to unearth more about the world than even our well-meaning daily press, it will be participating passively in the maintenance of universal injustice.  Thinking hard about facts is a right-wing way of life based on fantasy.

Sunday, February 02, 2014

Kaitlyn Wagstaff on Choice

        I just read about a cool feminist comedian who said she'd like to rip the uterus out of some boring Republican congresswoman from Washington.  Frederick was having coffee with me and I told him about it.  He said, "I thought we'd gotten all the Republicans out of Washington?"  If only Fred, if only!  I totally agree with the comedian.  I mean, real women, we get pregnant three times a year, and have an abortion.  Keeps your circulation good.  I once had a D and C just because I missed the sound of the vacuum.
         If this anti-choice bitch doesn't get her regular abortions, what does she need with a uterus anyway?  It reminds me of a line from a favorite movie:  "What's blood for, if not for shedding?"  My dad is such a troglodyte he thinks I was a person, like, even before I was born.  I'm like, "Lepidus, if I was really a person before I was born, then wouldn't the government have made it illegal to abort me?"  Totally.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Frank C. on TV

       I just checked out Salon.com, something I do when I want to feel aggrevated.  Some guy named Joe Muta was talking about how egotistical and scripted Bill O'Reilly is.  And this is different from other cable cats in what way?  Gee, I think there is zero. . . zero ego involved with Cenk Ughur, Rachel Maddow, Ed Schultz, or any of the other pod people on Current or MSNBC.  Listen, Frankie doesn't like O'Reilly much.  I don't like being told there's one version of reality.  That's basically what the pod people do that irritates me.  It pisses me off when someone acts like he has my best interests at heart, when he has at least as much BS in his point of view as anyone else.  "Who's looking out for you?"  I'm looking out for me, you tool!  Frank C. doesn't need Bill O'Reilly to think for him anymore than he needs Rachel Maddow to think for him or Cenk Ughur to think for him.  God didn't slop brains in my head so I can tune in to someone else to hear their version of reality.

       Larry King is coming back to TV.  I guess he caught up on his sleep, so he won't fall asleep on air anymore.  The weird thing is, Larry's Jewish, so why a Russian network is putting him on doesn't make much sense to me.  After all, the Czarist government created "The Protocols of the Elders of Zion," which is an anti-semetic work up there with "Mein Kampf."

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Lepidus on Government Schools

   MSNBC's Melissa Harris-Perry says that all children belong to the government.  Interesting, because I think I already gave them Kaitlyn.  I put my daughter in public school kindergarten at age five.  I sent her to public grade and high schools.  I sent her to a state university.  And now she is a Marxist feminist.  So I appreciate Harris-Perry's point.  The church only had her for a few hours a month.  The government school imparted many of Kaitlyn's attitudes.  She thinks I'm a greedy troglodyte because her schools told her that's what people who believe in free markets or religion are.  So the fuss over the remarks seem out of order.  The old saying was, possession is nine-tenths of the law.  And now my daughter acts like she's possessed.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Lepidus on Religious Wars

Still stinging from my daughter's brilliant defense of leftist jurisprudence, I read of Richard Seymour's Unhitched, an attack by Tariq Ali's Marxist publishing house Verso upon their late author Christopher Hitchens.  Wow, do you really mean to tell me that Marxists do not forgive deviation from their comrades?  Hitch was a loathsome athiest, but he did come to realize that his ideological soul mates were making common cause with eighth century religious fanatics, and began to apologize for Islam in a way that it would never tolerate with Christianity.  Religion is a drug, but for modern Marxists, it is one that is utterly satisfying to their ends when administered by Islam.  At least Hitch was consistent enough to hate all religion.  On the other hand, one finds fault with a writer who finds Mother Theresa in the same category as Al-Qaeda.

       The ones who really are in the same category as Al-Qaeda are the Amish.  Don't let the whole thing about their aversion to technology fool you.  What language do the Amish speak?  German.  I'll bet they harbor Nazi sympathizers!  The new Pope has two main defects in Wagstaff's book.  He is a Jesuit, member of the least orthodox order in the Catholic Church.  And he is an Argentinian, part of a nation famous for harboring Nazis.  OK, that's a lame objection, but surely no lamer than the objection that Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger was a deserter from the German Army.  Back to the Amish, I have no doubt that the drone program will start targeting Amish buggies.  If Catholics were identifiable by their vehicles, they would come in for drone strikes, too.

Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Kaitlyn Wagstaff Endorses Caitlyn Halligan

I have been able to get Dad to let me write in support of an awesome lady.  Her name is Caitlyn Halligan (almost the same as my name!) and she is a nominee for Federal Judge for the District of Columbia.  She is getting a bad rap from fascists like my Dad because she is pro-choice.  My Dad says that she shouldn't get to be a Federal Judge because as New York Attorney General she used RICO to fight anti-choice groups.  RICO is the law that Rudy Guliani wrote to fight the mob.  It stands for Racketeering Influenced Corrupt Groups.  Sounds like the blue haired church ladies to me!  My Dad says that anti-choice groups don't extort money, so it's an abuse of the law to use RICO against them.  Abuse of law, abuse of squaw.  Any port in the storm, I say.  Law is just a cudgel to use against those who act like religious nuts.  Screw 'em!  I think they should charge anti-choicers any crime under the sun.  Theft, for trying to make people raise kids on their money.  Drug laws, for acting like weirdos.  Fraud, for pretending that science is real.  You get the picture.  Medieval assholes.  Truth is whatever you make it, and law is whoever holds the cards.  We get awesome people like Caitlyn Halligan in power, and then we stick it to the religious zealots.  Make them retreat back to the Knights of Columbus Hall, and leave them to sing "Mary Is a Grand Old Name" over their beers. 

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Lepidus on Ungrateful Daughters

My daughter wrote a couple of weeks ago about how dumb Frank and I are.  I especially liked her comments about abortion.  Twenty years ago Mrs. Wagstaff gave birth to a healthy baby girl we named Kaitlyn.  It never would have occured to us to "get rid" of Kaitlyn.  But such is life that she now thinks right-to-lifers are gay men.  Kaitlyn's old boyfriend Arthur Schickelgruber could be a homosexual, except gay men are too picky to want a 98 lb.  weakling who wears John Lennon glasses and dresses in black every day.  As for me being gay, I think Kaitlyn's existence proves that at the worst I'm bisexual.  An ungrateful daughter's like the bite of a scorpion, eh?  Perhaps Kaitlyn will wake up to the fact that people don't become successful by sitting in Starbuck's all afternoon.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Poetry Time

(To the tune of Schiller's "Ode to Joy.")

Dickhead with Obama sticker
GNP growth 2%
Socialized the auto business
Thinks his czars are all the best

Kagan and the Puerto Rican
Wise Latina and the dyke
Sue the state of Arizona
Tax the things we really like

Make the Catholics fund abortion
Freedom like the Third Reich
Public schools that are gay-friendly
And you need to ride a bike

Guns to Egypt
Bust to Britain
All that were allied screw off
Now we're all that we resented
Start the second Holocaust

Now Obama's reelected
More flexible he now will be
There is always fair New Zealand
For endangered liberty

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Kaitlin Wagstaff Talks Patriarchy

       My dad and his goofy friend Frank usually write this blog's posts, but I got Dad to let me write a post for balance. 
       As a women's studies major, I know all about how guys like Dad and his friend Frank are fighting a war against women.  Every time they listen to an AC/DC song or watch a Dolph Lundgren movie they put another block in their walls of female oppression.  Every time they expect a woman to be pretty or a man to be brave they make women slaves.  The way out of this slavery is existentialism and feminism.
       Lepidus, my Dad, doesn't get it.  He thinks existentialism is just another name for stubbornness. What a neanderthal!  He so doesn't get Professor Schickelgruber, either.  Professor Schickelgruber taught my class on Sartre.  Dad said he was an overgrown teenager who dressed like a beatnik.  But he was the most amazing teacher, and even though we're not sleeping together anymore, we're still good friends.  Older guys are OK, as long as they're hip and liberal.  Guys like Lepidus and Frank think too much about the old bourgeois rules.  Ugh.  Like, they'd have me studying Addison, Coleridge, and Shakespeare. Whatever. I think that all three of those guys were gay.  And not a cool post-modern gay, but a weird old-fashioned kind.
       Like, my friend Christy said something good the other day.  She said, "Kaitlin, all those Republican guys must really be gay, since they're anti-choice.  Like, if you slept with chicks, you'd need abortion, right?  So that's why they're against gay marriage, because they're gay, but they don't want to look gay.  Like, having kids, that's so 1950s."  Totally.

Monday, January 07, 2013

Lepidus Wagstaff on Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton is the kind of woman that seems to get adulation for nothing.  Lepidus was watching CNN the other day, and they were commiserating with the Secretary of State over her supposed blood clot in the brain.  This from the same news organization that had a hate-on for Michele Bachmann.  All right, supposing the Ice Queen does have a boo-boo, why does that put her in the position where we are supposed to forgive her many errors?  Her "reset button" for Russia?  Her role in abandoning Chris Stevens to the tender mercies of Libyan terrorists, who sodomized the Ambassador before sending him to the hereafter?  Her decision to make Huma Abadin her advisor?

Back in the nineties, I heard a liberal man talk of his sex fetish for Bubba's wife.  This fool said Hillary was "legs and leftism."  Personally, I've seen better legs on a piano.  And as for leftism, I could get that anywhere, especially at such unlovely sites as Salon.com or Daily Kos.  Becoming sexually aroused by Hillary Clinton seems less likely than getting turned on by a hernia exam.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Wagstaff Speaks

Hello, my name is Lepidus Wagstaff.  I  own the garage where Frank C. works, and this is my first opportunity to blog here.  My, my you are a naughty boy General David Petraeus.  The other woman isn't bad (she looks pretty good for a military woman), but one must wonder if she is, indeed the other woman, or just a convenient excuse for Petraeus not to be able to testify about Bengazigate.  Like I said, this other lady is somewhat attractive, but not exactly the kind of woman one throws away thirty years of marriage over.  Elizabeth Ward Gracen, now that's the kind of woman one cheats with, and particularly when the missus is an icy harridan like Hillary Clinton.  The fat boy struck it lucky that day.  Of course, the fat boy never saw it that way.  He was the high school nerd who thought so well of himself that he thought he should be the one who got to score with the cheerleaders.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Frank C. on Aaron James

Wow, I just looked at that Salon.com.  Guess I wanted to raise my blood pressure.  This Aaron James, he's a piece of work.  Says that Fox News has spawned a whole generation of self-entitled feeling narcissists.  So the Occupy creeps were inspired by Fox?  He points out an incident where an economist called Pugsley an asshole because, according to James, he changed the subject without a metaconversation.  My ex-wife, she didn't know a metaconversation from a carburetor, but fortunately, she never needed that word to be pissed about my changing the conversation.  He insults Bill O'Reilly, which puts him on par with every other wanker on Salon.com.  And then, get this, he starts talking about Kanye West.  What, are you telling me Kanye West takes his behavior from Fox News?  I mean, the guy probably wouldn't be caught dead watching anything that right wing.  Oh brother!  If I was talking to Aaron in my kitchen, I'd say to him, "Buddy, I know that you spent a lot of money on that literary theory degree.  But people ain't assholes because of Fox News.  I'm sure your dad was an asshole years before there was a Fox News.  I get it.  You associate all your personal anger with your political opponents.  It wasn't until the 90s I realized that Jimmy Carter wasn't the reason my life sucked in 1977.  So, someday you'll realize that the guys on Fox don't have much control over their own lives, let alone your's."  Maybe then Aaron could try to take charge over his own life, instead of blaming his problems on Roger Ailes.