Friday, March 04, 2016

Lepidus on Gary Bauer

    Gary Bauer is a fraud and a con man.  There, I just gave you my conclusion.  Now I will provide my reasoning.  Donald Trump has demonstrated that he stands for nothing, and will say anything to gain the support of his cult followers.  He has no record as a conservative;  on the contrary, his record consists of years of supporting liberal, pro-abortion democrats like Chuck Schumer and Hillary Clinton.  The esteemed, wise social conservative guru Gary Bauer showed his infinite wisdom by declaring that Trump winning the nomination of the Republican party would be acceptable if "social conservatives received ironclad promises" from the reality TV star on gay marriage and abortion.  Ironclad promises?  What the deuce does that mean?  Barack Obama gave ironclad promises to not fund abortion with Obamacare.  Newsflash:  Obamacare funds abortion.  Barack Obama gave an ironclad promise to respect religious beliefs concerning abortion.  Newsflash:  The Little Sisters of the Poor still have to pay for contraceptives for their employees.
       The point I'm trying to make is this:  Rather than electing a liberal who promises not to act like a liberal, wouldn't it be infinitely preferable to elect a conservative?  And Gary Bauer--here's some free advice.  Don't prostitute yourself to a con man like The Donald and still expect people to trust your worthless advice.  You sound like someone suggesting we negotiate with the Daesh.  If anybody still sends you money, they are the same type of person who would buy a swamp in Louisiana thinking it's a real estate investment.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Dr. Draco Faulhaber Speaks

       I have been granted a chance by Frank and Lepidus to contradict their old-fashioned ideas about choice.  
       I, Draco Faulhaber, came into the world in 1948, a far less enlightened time.  In 1948, many states banned abortion entirely.  Providers, such as myself, would have faced prison.  And for what?  Helping women solve their problems!  Preventing extra mouths to feed!
       Frank and Lepidus argue that children are more than just bread-gobblers, that they are a "resource."  If children are such a resource, then why would the far-sighted and progressive Chinese regime dislike their high population so much?  Our Chinese brothers (men currently outnumber women 3 to 1 there) will see a dramatic drop in population in 60 years.  This is the sure route to wealth!  You can see this in families of great wealth.  If parents have $100 million, and only one child, that child will inherit $100 million.  But if there are three heirs, each would only inherit $33 million!  Never was a bigger lie conceived than "The more the merrier!"  The main problem with us humans is that there are just too many of us.
       Not to go too far afield, but people are greatly mistaken in condemning Hitler and Stalin.  Hitler relieved the earth of over nine million mouths to feed!  Stalin was an even greater benefactor, eliminating forty million excess Ukrainians.  Until we appreciate the gifts of Hitler and Stalin, the anti-choice religious fools will dominate us, destroying the planet with more bread-gobblers. 

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Breeding Like Rabbits

      You know, I thought I'd like the new Pope.  I'm Frank, he's Francis.  But this guy has been really annoying me.  He started out by saying that the Church had talked too much about abortion.  You know, because killing people isn't important at all.  Then he started talking about poverty constantly.  So he forgot that Jesus said there would always be poor people.  Then there was the claim that global warming was the biggest problem.
       But this crap the Pope said about having too many kids was the last straw.  My parents, Bob and Sharon Charette, had five kids.  My old man, he said that he needed to have plenty of kids because, "the good diffuses itself."  Never went to college, but my friend Lepidus told me that came from somewhere.  The Charettes never had lots of money, but we always knew there were things more important than money.  Dad always thought that being a good proletariat meant that he at least needed to provide society with kids.  Paul VI said contraception was wrong, so my old man felt like he was less of a sucker at that point.  But now the Pope seems to be saying my old man was a sucker after all.
        Frank C. is now to the point where he wonders how weird the crap a Pope says can be without being absolved of the need to listen.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

The Obama Double Event

       On 29 SPB 1888, Jack the Ripper claimed his third victim, Elizabeth Stride, and his fourth victim, Catherine Eddowes.  This double event marked the escalation of violence in the ripper's attacks, as well as the first and only time the ripper killed two women in one night.  The ripper, whose first murder had been a simple strangulation, had now progressed to the violent dismemberment of women, which would culminate in his disassembly of Mary Kelly, the fifth and possibly last victim.
       Last week, President Oh Blah Blah followed up his administration's scandal of indefinitely delayed treatment of veterans by the VA with the release of five dangerous Muslim terrorist in exchange for Army deserter Bowe Bergdahl.  This two-pronged slap in the face to America's military was the Obama double event.  Showing on one hand a callous indifference to people who defended the colors in World War II, Korea, and Vietnam, while being absurdly self-sacrificing in defense of someone who betrayed his unit by leaving his post shows the schizophrenia of modern liberalism.  Letting people who honorably served go without treatment while letting terrorists go free to get a deserter back shows the ambivalence of liberals towards soldiers.  Good soldiers get crapped on, while bad soldiers have the store given away on their behalf. 

Monday, June 09, 2014

Frederick Schickelgruber Speaks

       Kaitlyn urged me to write something on her father's blog.  Lepidus and his friend Frank are unregenerated neanderthals who never understand what I am saying.  In the interest of helping Frank and Lepidus' readers evolve, I have finally relented.  You see, I teach several sections of my course on existentialism.  It wasn't easy to find the time for this exercise.
      The beauty of existentialism is that it has no constraining element of "truth."  Truth is always the interest of the stronger.  Frank and Lepidus also seem to have a bizarre idea that there is some unchanging standard of right and wrong.  Lastly, they have a bourgeois idea that there are provable facts.
       How do these two know things for certain?  What one person chooses to believe is right or correct is entirely subjective.  One ultimately must accept authority rather than seek out something as being true or right.  This obsession with reason and theory is the basis for capitalist thinkers.  This principle is particularly significant in a world whose magnificent exterior radiates complete unity and order while panic and distress prevail beneath.  Autocrats, cruel colonial governors, and sadistic prison wardens have always wished for visitors with this positivistic mentality.  If science as a whole follows the lead of empiricism and the intellect renounces its insistant and confident probing of the tangled brush of observations in order to unearth more about the world than even our well-meaning daily press, it will be participating passively in the maintenance of universal injustice.  Thinking hard about facts is a right-wing way of life based on fantasy.

Sunday, February 02, 2014

Kaitlyn Wagstaff on Choice

        I just read about a cool feminist comedian who said she'd like to rip the uterus out of some boring Republican congresswoman from Washington.  Frederick was having coffee with me and I told him about it.  He said, "I thought we'd gotten all the Republicans out of Washington?"  If only Fred, if only!  I totally agree with the comedian.  I mean, real women, we get pregnant three times a year, and have an abortion.  Keeps your circulation good.  I once had a D and C just because I missed the sound of the vacuum.
         If this anti-choice bitch doesn't get her regular abortions, what does she need with a uterus anyway?  It reminds me of a line from a favorite movie:  "What's blood for, if not for shedding?"  My dad is such a troglodyte he thinks I was a person, like, even before I was born.  I'm like, "Lepidus, if I was really a person before I was born, then wouldn't the government have made it illegal to abort me?"  Totally.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Frank C. on TV

       I just checked out Salon.com, something I do when I want to feel aggrevated.  Some guy named Joe Muta was talking about how egotistical and scripted Bill O'Reilly is.  And this is different from other cable cats in what way?  Gee, I think there is zero. . . zero ego involved with Cenk Ughur, Rachel Maddow, Ed Schultz, or any of the other pod people on Current or MSNBC.  Listen, Frankie doesn't like O'Reilly much.  I don't like being told there's one version of reality.  That's basically what the pod people do that irritates me.  It pisses me off when someone acts like he has my best interests at heart, when he has at least as much BS in his point of view as anyone else.  "Who's looking out for you?"  I'm looking out for me, you tool!  Frank C. doesn't need Bill O'Reilly to think for him anymore than he needs Rachel Maddow to think for him or Cenk Ughur to think for him.  God didn't slop brains in my head so I can tune in to someone else to hear their version of reality.

       Larry King is coming back to TV.  I guess he caught up on his sleep, so he won't fall asleep on air anymore.  The weird thing is, Larry's Jewish, so why a Russian network is putting him on doesn't make much sense to me.  After all, the Czarist government created "The Protocols of the Elders of Zion," which is an anti-semetic work up there with "Mein Kampf."