Frank C. on TV

       I just checked out Salon.com, something I do when I want to feel aggrevated.  Some guy named Joe Muta was talking about how egotistical and scripted Bill O'Reilly is.  And this is different from other cable cats in what way?  Gee, I think there is zero. . . zero ego involved with Cenk Ughur, Rachel Maddow, Ed Schultz, or any of the other pod people on Current or MSNBC.  Listen, Frankie doesn't like O'Reilly much.  I don't like being told there's one version of reality.  That's basically what the pod people do that irritates me.  It pisses me off when someone acts like he has my best interests at heart, when he has at least as much BS in his point of view as anyone else.  "Who's looking out for you?"  I'm looking out for me, you tool!  Frank C. doesn't need Bill O'Reilly to think for him anymore than he needs Rachel Maddow to think for him or Cenk Ughur to think for him.  God didn't slop brains in my head so I can tune in to someone else to hear their version of reality.

       Larry King is coming back to TV.  I guess he caught up on his sleep, so he won't fall asleep on air anymore.  The weird thing is, Larry's Jewish, so why a Russian network is putting him on doesn't make much sense to me.  After all, the Czarist government created "The Protocols of the Elders of Zion," which is an anti-semetic work up there with "Mein Kampf."

Lepidus on Government Schools

   MSNBC's Melissa Harris-Perry says that all children belong to the government.  Interesting, because I think I already gave them Kaitlyn.  I put my daughter in public school kindergarten at age five.  I sent her to public grade and high schools.  I sent her to a state university.  And now she is a Marxist feminist.  So I appreciate Harris-Perry's point.  The church only had her for a few hours a month.  The government school imparted many of Kaitlyn's attitudes.  She thinks I'm a greedy troglodyte because her schools told her that's what people who believe in free markets or religion are.  So the fuss over the remarks seem out of order.  The old saying was, possession is nine-tenths of the law.  And now my daughter acts like she's possessed.

Creative Minority Report: NRO's Catholic Black Advocates The Pill

Creative Minority Report: NRO's Catholic Black Advocates The Pill

Lepidus on Religious Wars

Still stinging from my daughter's brilliant defense of leftist jurisprudence, I read of Richard Seymour's Unhitched, an attack by Tariq Ali's Marxist publishing house Verso upon their late author Christopher Hitchens.  Wow, do you really mean to tell me that Marxists do not forgive deviation from their comrades?  Hitch was a loathsome athiest, but he did come to realize that his ideological soul mates were making common cause with eighth century religious fanatics, and began to apologize for Islam in a way that it would never tolerate with Christianity.  Religion is a drug, but for modern Marxists, it is one that is utterly satisfying to their ends when administered by Islam.  At least Hitch was consistent enough to hate all religion.  On the other hand, one finds fault with a writer who finds Mother Theresa in the same category as Al-Qaeda.

       The ones who really are in the same category as Al-Qaeda are the Amish.  Don't let the whole thing about their aversion to technology fool you.  What language do the Amish speak?  German.  I'll bet they harbor Nazi sympathizers!  The new Pope has two main defects in Wagstaff's book.  He is a Jesuit, member of the least orthodox order in the Catholic Church.  And he is an Argentinian, part of a nation famous for harboring Nazis.  OK, that's a lame objection, but surely no lamer than the objection that Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger was a deserter from the German Army.  Back to the Amish, I have no doubt that the drone program will start targeting Amish buggies.  If Catholics were identifiable by their vehicles, they would come in for drone strikes, too.

Kaitlyn Wagstaff Endorses Caitlyn Halligan

I have been able to get Dad to let me write in support of an awesome lady.  Her name is Caitlyn Halligan (almost the same as my name!) and she is a nominee for Federal Judge for the District of Columbia.  She is getting a bad rap from fascists like my Dad because she is pro-choice.  My Dad says that she shouldn't get to be a Federal Judge because as New York Attorney General she used RICO to fight anti-choice groups.  RICO is the law that Rudy Guliani wrote to fight the mob.  It stands for Racketeering Influenced Corrupt Groups.  Sounds like the blue haired church ladies to me!  My Dad says that anti-choice groups don't extort money, so it's an abuse of the law to use RICO against them.  Abuse of law, abuse of squaw.  Any port in the storm, I say.  Law is just a cudgel to use against those who act like religious nuts.  Screw 'em!  I think they should charge anti-choicers any crime under the sun.  Theft, for trying to make people raise kids on their money.  Drug laws, for acting like weirdos.  Fraud, for pretending that science is real.  You get the picture.  Medieval assholes.  Truth is whatever you make it, and law is whoever holds the cards.  We get awesome people like Caitlyn Halligan in power, and then we stick it to the religious zealots.  Make them retreat back to the Knights of Columbus Hall, and leave them to sing "Mary Is a Grand Old Name" over their beers. 

Lepidus on Ungrateful Daughters

My daughter wrote a couple of weeks ago about how dumb Frank and I are.  I especially liked her comments about abortion.  Twenty years ago Mrs. Wagstaff gave birth to a healthy baby girl we named Kaitlyn.  It never would have occured to us to "get rid" of Kaitlyn.  But such is life that she now thinks right-to-lifers are gay men.  Kaitlyn's old boyfriend Arthur Schickelgruber could be a homosexual, except gay men are too picky to want a 98 lb.  weakling who wears John Lennon glasses and dresses in black every day.  As for me being gay, I think Kaitlyn's existence proves that at the worst I'm bisexual.  An ungrateful daughter's like the bite of a scorpion, eh?  Perhaps Kaitlyn will wake up to the fact that people don't become successful by sitting in Starbuck's all afternoon.

Poetry Time

(To the tune of Schiller's "Ode to Joy.")

Dickhead with Obama sticker
GNP growth 2%
Socialized the auto business
Thinks his czars are all the best

Kagan and the Puerto Rican
Wise Latina and the dyke
Sue the state of Arizona
Tax the things we really like

Make the Catholics fund abortion
Freedom like the Third Reich
Public schools that are gay-friendly
And you need to ride a bike

Guns to Egypt
Bust to Britain
All that were allied screw off
Now we're all that we resented
Start the second Holocaust

Now Obama's reelected
More flexible he now will be
There is always fair New Zealand
For endangered liberty

Kaitlin Wagstaff Talks Patriarchy

       My dad and his goofy friend Frank usually write this blog's posts, but I got Dad to let me write a post for balance. 
       As a women's studies major, I know all about how guys like Dad and his friend Frank are fighting a war against women.  Every time they listen to an AC/DC song or watch a Dolph Lundgren movie they put another block in their walls of female oppression.  Every time they expect a woman to be pretty or a man to be brave they make women slaves.  The way out of this slavery is existentialism and feminism.
       Lepidus, my Dad, doesn't get it.  He thinks existentialism is just another name for stubbornness. What a neanderthal!  He so doesn't get Professor Schickelgruber, either.  Professor Schickelgruber taught my class on Sartre.  Dad said he was an overgrown teenager who dressed like a beatnik.  But he was the most amazing teacher, and even though we're not sleeping together anymore, we're still good friends.  Older guys are OK, as long as they're hip and liberal.  Guys like Lepidus and Frank think too much about the old bourgeois rules.  Ugh.  Like, they'd have me studying Addison, Coleridge, and Shakespeare. Whatever. I think that all three of those guys were gay.  And not a cool post-modern gay, but a weird old-fashioned kind.
       Like, my friend Christy said something good the other day.  She said, "Kaitlin, all those Republican guys must really be gay, since they're anti-choice.  Like, if you slept with chicks, you'd need abortion, right?  So that's why they're against gay marriage, because they're gay, but they don't want to look gay.  Like, having kids, that's so 1950s."  Totally.

Lepidus Wagstaff on Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton is the kind of woman that seems to get adulation for nothing.  Lepidus was watching CNN the other day, and they were commiserating with the Secretary of State over her supposed blood clot in the brain.  This from the same news organization that had a hate-on for Michele Bachmann.  All right, supposing the Ice Queen does have a boo-boo, why does that put her in the position where we are supposed to forgive her many errors?  Her "reset button" for Russia?  Her role in abandoning Chris Stevens to the tender mercies of Libyan terrorists, who sodomized the Ambassador before sending him to the hereafter?  Her decision to make Huma Abadin her advisor?

Back in the nineties, I heard a liberal man talk of his sex fetish for Bubba's wife.  This fool said Hillary was "legs and leftism."  Personally, I've seen better legs on a piano.  And as for leftism, I could get that anywhere, especially at such unlovely sites as Salon.com or Daily Kos.  Becoming sexually aroused by Hillary Clinton seems less likely than getting turned on by a hernia exam.