Chavez Aids Canada

Sources close to President Bush and Secretary of State Condeleeza Rice confirm that plans are underway for an invasion of Canada. White House and Pentagon sources have long believed that there is a "Beer Gap", and that premptive war is needed to assure Americans that there will be plenty of beer for the essential football tailgating planners have long expected. House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi says the Canadian Army will win the war, and asked "How much blood is a pint of beer worth." Congressman John Murtha says that our troops will not be able to survive the onslought of Canadian firepower, and that Canada will be another Vietnam. Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez commented, " This is just the kind of thing we should expect from an alcoholic running-dog imperialist. We can see the same thing in the American invasion of Antartica last year."