Dr. Draco Faulhaber Speaks

       I have been granted a chance by Frank and Lepidus to contradict their old-fashioned ideas about choice.  
       I, Draco Faulhaber, came into the world in 1948, a far less enlightened time.  In 1948, many states banned abortion entirely.  Providers, such as myself, would have faced prison.  And for what?  Helping women solve their problems!  Preventing extra mouths to feed!
       Frank and Lepidus argue that children are more than just bread-gobblers, that they are a "resource."  If children are such a resource, then why would the far-sighted and progressive Chinese regime dislike their high population so much?  Our Chinese brothers (men currently outnumber women 3 to 1 there) will see a dramatic drop in population in 60 years.  This is the sure route to wealth!  You can see this in families of great wealth.  If parents have $100 million, and only one child, that child will inherit $100 million.  But if there are three heirs, each would only inherit $33 million!  Never was a bigger lie conceived than "The more the merrier!"  The main problem with us humans is that there are just too many of us.
       Not to go too far afield, but people are greatly mistaken in condemning Hitler and Stalin.  Hitler relieved the earth of over nine million mouths to feed!  Stalin was an even greater benefactor, eliminating forty million excess Ukrainians.  Until we appreciate the gifts of Hitler and Stalin, the anti-choice religious fools will dominate us, destroying the planet with more bread-gobblers. 

Breeding Like Rabbits

      You know, I thought I'd like the new Pope.  I'm Frank, he's Francis.  But this guy has been really annoying me.  He started out by saying that the Church had talked too much about abortion.  You know, because killing people isn't important at all.  Then he started talking about poverty constantly.  So he forgot that Jesus said there would always be poor people.  Then there was the claim that global warming was the biggest problem.
       But this crap the Pope said about having too many kids was the last straw.  My parents, Bob and Sharon Charette, had five kids.  My old man, he said that he needed to have plenty of kids because, "the good diffuses itself."  Never went to college, but my friend Lepidus told me that came from somewhere.  The Charettes never had lots of money, but we always knew there were things more important than money.  Dad always thought that being a good proletariat meant that he at least needed to provide society with kids.  Paul VI said contraception was wrong, so my old man felt like he was less of a sucker at that point.  But now the Pope seems to be saying my old man was a sucker after all.
        Frank C. is now to the point where he wonders how weird the crap a Pope says can be without being absolved of the need to listen.