Poetry Time

(To the tune of Schiller's "Ode to Joy.")

Dickhead with Obama sticker
GNP growth 2%
Socialized the auto business
Thinks his czars are all the best

Kagan and the Puerto Rican
Wise Latina and the dyke
Sue the state of Arizona
Tax the things we really like

Make the Catholics fund abortion
Freedom like the Third Reich
Public schools that are gay-friendly
And you need to ride a bike

Guns to Egypt
Bust to Britain
All that were allied screw off
Now we're all that we resented
Start the second Holocaust

Now Obama's reelected
More flexible he now will be
There is always fair New Zealand
For endangered liberty

Kaitlin Wagstaff Talks Patriarchy

       My dad and his goofy friend Frank usually write this blog's posts, but I got Dad to let me write a post for balance. 
       As a women's studies major, I know all about how guys like Dad and his friend Frank are fighting a war against women.  Every time they listen to an AC/DC song or watch a Dolph Lundgren movie they put another block in their walls of female oppression.  Every time they expect a woman to be pretty or a man to be brave they make women slaves.  The way out of this slavery is existentialism and feminism.
       Lepidus, my Dad, doesn't get it.  He thinks existentialism is just another name for stubbornness. What a neanderthal!  He so doesn't get Professor Schickelgruber, either.  Professor Schickelgruber taught my class on Sartre.  Dad said he was an overgrown teenager who dressed like a beatnik.  But he was the most amazing teacher, and even though we're not sleeping together anymore, we're still good friends.  Older guys are OK, as long as they're hip and liberal.  Guys like Lepidus and Frank think too much about the old bourgeois rules.  Ugh.  Like, they'd have me studying Addison, Coleridge, and Shakespeare. Whatever. I think that all three of those guys were gay.  And not a cool post-modern gay, but a weird old-fashioned kind.
       Like, my friend Christy said something good the other day.  She said, "Kaitlin, all those Republican guys must really be gay, since they're anti-choice.  Like, if you slept with chicks, you'd need abortion, right?  So that's why they're against gay marriage, because they're gay, but they don't want to look gay.  Like, having kids, that's so 1950s."  Totally.

Lepidus Wagstaff on Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton is the kind of woman that seems to get adulation for nothing.  Lepidus was watching CNN the other day, and they were commiserating with the Secretary of State over her supposed blood clot in the brain.  This from the same news organization that had a hate-on for Michele Bachmann.  All right, supposing the Ice Queen does have a boo-boo, why does that put her in the position where we are supposed to forgive her many errors?  Her "reset button" for Russia?  Her role in abandoning Chris Stevens to the tender mercies of Libyan terrorists, who sodomized the Ambassador before sending him to the hereafter?  Her decision to make Huma Abadin her advisor?

Back in the nineties, I heard a liberal man talk of his sex fetish for Bubba's wife.  This fool said Hillary was "legs and leftism."  Personally, I've seen better legs on a piano.  And as for leftism, I could get that anywhere, especially at such unlovely sites as Salon.com or Daily Kos.  Becoming sexually aroused by Hillary Clinton seems less likely than getting turned on by a hernia exam.